Understanding boundaries

Written by Lisa Hirscowitz, Counselling Psychologist

So often, one of the main issues people face is understanding the importance of boundaries and how to implement them. 

Boundaries are hard to set; people don't like being told 'no'.

However, in order for relationships to be respectful, healthy, and beneficial, boundaries need to be put into place. 

Boundaries can be described as an individual's expectations in a relationship, which they consider healthy and acceptable.

Boundaries set the tone for relationships as they create clear guidelines for what is allowed in a relationship and what is unacceptable. If communicated effectively, boundaries allow for mutual understanding between different individuals. 

Although difficult to put into place, enforcing boundaries means people know how to act in relation to others.

For example, although children don't like being told what they can and can't do, there is a certain safety in knowing what behaviours are acceptable. Boundaries create predictability, which creates a sense of security and understanding. 

Despite being necessary for any successful relationship, boundaries are often difficult to enforce.

Putting parameters on relationships means one has to be firm, knowing that their boundary might disappoint, anger or upset another person. However, for the longevity of the relationship, having the courage to do so, is often necessary. 

Therapy can be very helpful in developing the strength, courage, and understanding around what boundaries need to be put up.

Speaking about various relationships and what one might want from them, gives great insight into what parameters can be put into place.

Additionally, a supportive therapist can assist in navigating the difficult feelings that come with the disruption in a relationship, which often occurs when boundaries are put up.

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