Self-Actualization Through Internal Family Systems Therapy
- Psych Central
- 6 days ago
- 3 min read
Written by Tova Steiner, Counselling Psychologist
We’re living in an era obsessed with becoming our “highest self.”
In conversations on platforms like The Diary of a CEO, self-actualization is often described as unlocking potential, optimizing habits, mastering mindset, and pushing through limitation.
And growth absolutely matters.
But in therapy, self-actualization rarely looks like optimization.
More often, it looks like unburdening.
The Modern Narrative: Upgrade Yourself
The cultural message is subtle but powerful.
Be more disciplined.
Be more confident.
Be less reactive.
Be less anxious.
Be more productive.
The implication is that something essential is missing.
Psychology has long explored this terrain. Abraham Maslow originally described self-actualization not as perfection, but as the fulfillment of one’s inherent potential. Later in his work, he emphasized that this was about becoming more fully oneself, not about striving endlessly toward an idealized version of the self.
From an Internal Family Systems perspective, that distinction is everything.
The IFS View: You Already Have a Self
Internal Family Systems, developed by Richard Schwartz, proposes that at the core of every person is something called Self.
Self is not a part.
Self does not need improvement.
Self is already whole.
It is characterized by qualities such as calm, clarity, compassion, confidence, creativity, and connectedness. In IFS language, these are sometimes referred to as the “8 Cs” of Self-leadership.
What blocks access to Self are not flaws. They are protective parts.
IFS suggests that the mind is naturally multiple. We all have parts that strive, criticize, avoid, achieve, and protect. These parts are not pathological. They are adaptive responses shaped by lived experience.
Attachment research has consistently shown that early caregiving relationships shape internal working models of self and other. When connection feels uncertain or conditional, children develop intelligent strategies to preserve belonging and minimize pain. Over time, those strategies become parts of the personality.
The perfectionist.
The overachiever.
The self-critic.
The hyper-independent one.
What we often call self-sabotage is, in many cases, protection.
Why We Don’t Feel Self-Actualized
Clients rarely walk into therapy saying, “I want to self-actualize.”
They say:
“I don’t feel like myself.”
“I know what I should do, I just can’t.”
“I sabotage things when they start going well.”
“I feel stuck.”
From an IFS lens, this is not a lack of discipline. It is a system organized around protection.
A perfectionist part trying to prevent shame.
A procrastinating part trying to prevent failure.
A detached part trying to prevent rejection.
When we are blended with these parts, they feel like identity. But IFS invites differentiation.
You are not the anxiety.
You are not the perfectionism.
You are the one who can relate to those experiences.
Emerging clinical research on IFS and other trauma-informed, integrative therapies suggests that when individuals access states of self-compassion and internal coherence, emotional regulation improves and relational functioning stabilizes. In other words, when Self leads, the system settles.
What We Actually Work Toward in Therapy
In an IFS-informed therapy process, we are not coaching you into becoming better.
We are helping you:
Notice which parts are running the system.
Cultivate enough Self-energy to become curious rather than reactive.
Understand what those parts are protecting.
Heal the experiences those parts have been carrying.
Restore leadership to Self.
When that happens, something shifts organically.
Clients often describe:
More clarity.
Less internal conflict.
Increased creativity.
More aligned decision-making.
A deeper sense of calm.
Not because they forced growth.
But because they stopped fighting themselves.
Self-Actualization as Integration
If we reinterpret Maslow through a contemporary, attachment-informed lens, self-actualization is not climbing higher.
It is coming home.
It is the movement from fragmentation toward integration.
It is ambition not driven by shame.
Boundaries not driven by defensiveness.
Confidence not driven by compensation.
It is a system in which protective parts can finally relax because they trust the presence of Self.
The more we chase self-actualization as a performance goal, the more pressure we add to an already burdened system.
The more we cultivate internal compassion and curiosity, the more naturally we become who we have always been.
Self-actualization, from this perspective, is not about becoming someone new.
It is about unburdening the parts of you that had to work too hard for too long.
And allowing your core Self to lead.
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