The Invisible Threads Between Mothers and Parts

Psych Central
Oct 6
2 min read

Written by Tova Steiner, Counselling Psychologist

How our early relationships shape our inner world - and how healing begins when we meet those parts with compassion.

Motherhood - and being mothered - leaves invisible threads that shape how we see ourselves, how we love, and how we move through the world.

In therapy, we often notice how old patterns quietly live inside us: the part that tries to please, the part that feels never quite good enough, the part that hides when things feel too intense.

Over time, these “parts” form an inner family of their own - each one doing its best to protect us, often in ways that once made sense in childhood but now leave us feeling stuck or exhausted.

The Mother Within

Many of us carry an inner version of our mothers - her voice, her reactions, her needs, her approval or disapproval. Sometimes that inner mother is warm and steady. Other times, she’s anxious, critical, or unpredictable.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy helps us notice how these early dynamics live on inside us - not to blame our mothers, but to understand the emotional landscape we inherited.

When we can approach these parts with curiosity rather than judgment, we begin to see the ways they’ve been trying to keep us safe all along.

Attachment as Our First Language

Attachment theory reminds us that our first bonds taught us what love and safety feel like. When those bonds were inconsistent, our nervous systems learned to work overtime - scanning for cues, managing others’ moods, or shrinking ourselves to stay connected. These patterns don’t mean something is “wrong” with us; they mean our younger selves were wise.

Healing the Old Patterns

Through IFS, we can begin to unblend from those old roles. The perfectionist who always needs to perform. The caretaker who forgets herself. The protector who shuts down when intimacy feels too close.

When we meet these parts with compassion, we give them what they never had: the sense that someone inside us is big enough, calm enough, and kind enough to hold it all.

Moving Toward Wholeness

Therapy becomes a place where those invisible threads can be seen and softened. Where we learn that healing isn’t about cutting ties with the past - it’s about weaving something new from what we’ve carried.