Coming Home to Safety: How to Calm a Dysregulated Nervous System

Written by Bonolo Mophosho, Counselling Psychologist

We often think of healing as something that happens in the mind, through willpower or thought alone. But beneath the surface of our everyday lives, the nervous system quietly holds our stories; our joys, our griefs, our longings, and our fears. It is the body’s internal compass, shaping how we feel, connect, and respond to the world around us. The body does indeed keep the score.

When the nervous system is regulated, we feel grounded, open, and resilient. But when it’s overwhelmed (by stress, trauma, or even persistent negative thinking), we can feel like we’re living in a storm without shelter.

This is an invitation to gently understand your nervous system: what it is, how it becomes dysregulated, and the simple, compassionate ways we can support it each day.

 

Healing isn’t about perfection; it’s about offering our system moments of peace until they begin to stretch into a steadier calm.

Our nervous system comprises of a beautifully intricate web; the brain, spinal cord, and a network of nerves that thread through our entire body, constantly communicating, sensing, and responding. It is our body’s messenger and protector, always listening and always trying to keep us safe. It connects our inner world to the outer one; allowing us to feel, move, think, breathe, and experience. It’s the quiet bridge between our body, mind, heart, and environment.

Nervous system dysregulation happens when something, often over time or even suddenly, tells our system: you are not safe.

Traumatic experiences, especially those that are repeated, overwhelming, or unresolved, can jolt us into survival states where we then stay too long. Sometimes, even after the danger has passed, our body doesn’t know it’s over. It’s our duty to remind it that is. Otherwise, it keeps bracing, guarding, withdrawing, or rushing to fix or flee. It’s trying to protect us from what has already happened. This can look like constant anxiety, shutdown, irritability, exhaustion, or feeling numb and far away from ourselves.

The process to regulate our nervous system includes slowly and gently helping it feel safe again. It means learning to listen to the body without judgment. Reconnecting to breath. Grounding in the here and now. Allowing safety to become a felt sense, not just an idea. It’s not always linear, but with time, care and consistency, the system begins to soften, trust, and restore its natural rhythm.

Here are some daily nervous system regulation tips:

·        Breathe low and slow into your belly

·        Let the soles of your feet feel the ground beneath you

·        Move gently; stretch, sway, walk, dance

·        Rest in silence or calming music

·        Nourish your body with food, water, and warmth

·        Seek sunlight, nature, or watching the sky

·        Be in the presence of someone who feels safe

·        Offer yourself kindness, as often as you can

Thoughts, too, can dysregulate the nervous system. Our body listens closely to the stories our mind tells.

If thoughts are fearful, critical, or future-tripping (anticipatory anxiety), the body responds as if it’s in danger, by tightening, racing, and bracing. Over time, these patterns become familiar pathways, carved deep by repetition. But the beautiful truth is: thoughts can be rewired. New stories can be told. Gentle, truthful ones. And over time, with repetition, these new healthy stories can become the familiar norm too.

To begin rewiring them:

• Notice your inner dialogue with curiosity, not blame

• Pause and ask: Is this thought helping me feel safe and whole?

• Speak to yourself like someone you love

• Practice affirming truths: “I am safe now. I am allowed to rest. I am learning new ways.”

• Keep returning to the present moment, where the body can begin again (through breath, grounding techniques, using your senses).

Over time, these new thought-patterns begin to cradle the nervous system with more tenderness than tension. And healing becomes not just possible - but embodied.

You are not broken. If you’ve felt stuck in anxiety, fatigue, or emotional overwhelm, your body has simply been doing its best to protect you. The nervous system is wise, but it also longs to feel safe enough to rest. It’s on you to invite it to do so.

With patience, presence, and daily care- even in small, quiet ways, you can begin to soften the survival patterns and return to a steadier, more anchored self. Your body will remember how to feel safe. And you are allowed to come home to it, again and again.

May this be your gentle beginning, or your reminder, that nervous system healing is not a race- it’s a return.

If you want to read more about Bonolo and the services she offers, click here.