Holding Loss and Strength: The Emotional Impact of Cancer on Women

Written by Kyla du Plessis, Counselling Psychologist

What used to be casual scrolling on social media now feels heavier, as story after story reveals women sharing their cancer journeys.

For some time now, I have started to notice the number of women sharing their cancer diagnoses, whether young or of age. As women, we are regularly reminded by doctors to go for mammograms, Pap/HPV, and stool/colonoscopy tests. And it is no secret that you feel a sense of judgment from people when admitting that you have not gone for a check-up in a while.

The truth is, it is horrifying to go for these tests, as there is the possibility that one might be the next to receive such a diagnosis. To receive the news that you have been diagnosed with cancer as a woman is not only difficult to process but also comes with numerous ambiguous losses and unmet needs.

PUBLIC HEALTH CONCERN…

Gynaecological cancers are a serious public health issue and account for almost 40% of all cancers, and more than 30% of all types of cancers in women worldwide (Piechoki, et al., 2022). The World Health Organization (2025) reports that breast cancer was the most common cancer in women in 157 countries out of 185 in 2022. These statistics are enough to scare any human being. Of course, these numbers show how important regular check-ups are; it would, however, help if we could receive a little empathy, kindness, and understanding from health professionals, family, and friends.

A woman I know once said,

“I grieve losses no one can even see: the body I once trusted, the future that I have imagined for myself, the sense of safety I once had. Despite all this, I still wake up and choose to keep going”.

Women diagnosed with cancer face extreme emotional and physical burdens due to changes to their bodies, loss of fertility, sexual concerns, changes to their relationships, and the toxicities of chemotherapy.

Ambiguous losses

The losses these women endure are referred to as ambiguous losses (unverified, possibly intangible, and lacking a sense of closure). These losses involve uncertainty regarding their gender identity, infertility, loss of reproductive organs, and loss of future children.

Treatment, the one thing that might be saving a woman’s life, might also be the very same thing stealing every dream or gender identity of a woman – this paradox leads to ambivalence.

Despite all the adversities and risks these women are faced with, some manage to do better than expected – this is referred to as “resilience”. Focusing on resilience when facing ambiguous loss among women diagnosed with cancer is crucial, especially since the number of diagnoses per year is rapidly climbing.

Holding loss and strength at the same time is a powerful act!

Boss (2016) provides the following guidelines to increase one’s resilience when faced with ambiguous losses:

• Finding meaning: To find a way to make sense of the loss/es. Finding meaning in difficult and painful experiences allows you to discover “realistic hope” – to live a meaningful life whilst facing painful and unverified losses.

• Adjusting mastery: To recognise that you do not have control over everything in life. Flexibility is crucial to be able to adjust according to your lived experiences.

• Reconstructing identity: To discover the new version of yourself, which is in line with your current needs after physical and emotional changes have taken place.

• Normalising ambivalence: Learn that it is normal to experience mixed emotions, and that one needs to find ways to regulate one’s own emotions.

• Revising your attachment: To fully acknowledge the losses, learn how to integrate these losses, whilst finding different ways to create new connections.

• Discovering a new sense of hope: Explore new aspects and possibilities - knowing what to keep on hoping for and what hopes need to be relinquished. Remember, hope is not always positive and healthy. Sometimes it can result in disappointment and anger. That is why “realistic hope” is so important.

You may be here because cancer has touched your life – personally, indirectly, or through someone you love.

So many of us know of women who received a cancer diagnosis and what their journeys looked like.

The fear of a cancer diagnosis is understandable and real – but it does not have to be the end of the story.

Fear can exist alongside your strength, bravery, realistic hope, meaning, and action.

Listen…

Sometimes people are so focused on a woman’s cancer diagnosis and treatment process that they fail to acknowledge the losses a woman experiences. These women need emotional support from family and friends, they need to feel heard by medical professionals, they need to be viewed as more than their diagnosis, they need their intimate partners not to treat them like strangers, and they need to engage with women going through similar experiences to share their challenges, resources, and strengths.

As women, we know it is generally expected of us to be able to bear children, to appear feminine based on our body parts, and to be attractive to our partners – but we are so much more than all of that, and we define our own worth!

It is okay to grieve what has been lost while still honouring how far you have come. Your perseverance is powerful, even on the days that it feels quiet.

If you want to read more about Kyla and the services she offers, click here.