The duality: The courage to be honest in therapy

Written by Caitlyn Wong, Counselling Psychologist

The therapy space is one where we, as psychologists we encourage our clients to speak openly, honestly, and freely, grounded in the knowledge that the environment is safe and confidential.

However, over time, I can’t help but notice a recurring presence in the room — a pattern of guilt that feels like an additional person sitting on the couch.

This guilt often surfaces when clients admit to having "negative" feelings toward people they love, appreciate, or are expected to treat with only respect. As if expressing anger toward your mother for contributing to your difficult experiences somehow negates the love, respect, or recognition of the effort she has put into your relationship.

Some may argue that our upbringing teaches us to always respect family, but in truth, acknowledging your personal experiences in therapy may not be as disrespectful as you fear.

In fact, withholding your truth may ultimately be more harmful to yourself.

We need to give ourselves the best chance for therapy to be meaningful, and that means taking the courageous step of admitting our truth.

Every personal story matters. We all hold a unique truth and perspective. Part of embracing that truth is allowing ourselves to be honest about how someone we love or value has made us feel, even when that feeling is difficult to admit.

There is a duality within life that we often accept without question. We experience the sun and the moon, warmth and cold, darkness and light, good and bad. So why do we struggle to accept this duality within ourselves and our emotions? If we can acknowledge that duality is a natural part of life, why is it so hard to admit we are angry at someone we love, or feel resentment toward someone we also deeply appreciate?

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Why should I take the chance to admit something difficult about how I feel about someone else?

Bringing your true thoughts and feelings into the therapy space allows your psychologist to understand and support you on a deeper level. It's often said that the more open you are to the process, the more you gain from it.

Admitting you resent your father for walking out on you as a child doesn't erase the positive feelings you may hold for him now. It simply means there are unspoken emotions within you that need to be acknowledged.

If you deny yourself the opportunity to express them, they may remain buried and unresolved. Many clients come to therapy wanting to be heard. Playing an active role in that process means allowing us to hear your truth.

How do we take the chance to be truly honest about how we feel with our psychologist?

The first step is recognizing that you are allowed to have conflicting and complex emotions.

It’s okay if certain experiences bring unexpected or uncomfortable feelings toward someone you typically see in a positive light. Entering the therapy space, or even considering it, is an act of bravery. Your psychologist understands and honors that. Extending that bravery to include emotional honesty creates a path toward acceptance and being truly heard. It’s okay to feel some guilt along the way, as long as you don’t let it prevent you from engaging fully in the healing process.

If you want to read more about Caitlyn and the services she offers, click here.